Looking for a serious relationship on Tinder? I found my long-term boyfriend on Tinder and these are my best bio tips to find real love online.
When I first broke up with my boyfriend of 7 years, dating seemed like it was way over my head.
I didn’t even know how to be single, let alone date.
Friends convinced me to set up a Tinder profile nonetheless. ‘You need to meet some guys and get out there!’ they told me.
As I was selecting my Tinder profile photos, one of them glanced over and said something that really stuck with me.
‘You don’t want to use so many of those photos’, pointing at all my hiking and travel photos. (I’d just come back from a 7-month trip overseas).
‘You don’t want to come across as one of those backpacker girls’.
I remember thinking at the time ‘I didn’t?’ and ‘She’s right, I don’t! Backpacker girls aren’t sexy and to get dates I need to be feminine and sexy. That’s what men want.’
So off I went to take newer, ‘better’ photos of myself posing at the beach, laughing and having SO much fun with friends, and looking dolled-up on a night out.
I wanted to become the girl that every man wanted to date.
But what I eventually realized is, that’s not the point. And if you’re after a real relationship, you don’t want to be that.
I know in the current era of Instagram influencers it can be tempting to think you need to be ‘more’ or to conform to some perfect date-able ideal to attract as many men as you can.
But this is the wrong strategy.
In this post, I’m going to share what I think the right strategy is, or at least the one that worked for me to find my current long-term relationship on Tinder.
I will be covering:
- How to find a serious relationship on Tinder
- Tinder Bio tips
- My Tinder happy ending
- How to say you’re looking for a relationship on Tinder
- Is Tinder good for finding long-term relationships?
How to find a serious relationship on Tinder
If you want to find a real relationship on Tinder or any other dating app, it boils down to two things:
- Aim for quality, not quantity
- Be yourself
Let me explain why.
Aim for quality over quantity
It might be a great ego boost to have every guy you swipe ‘right’ to match with you but if they’re all unsuitable, what’s the point?
Put it another way.
Over a month, would you rather match with 50 guys who think you’re hot but have nothing else in common with you, or would you rather match with just 1 guy and have him be ‘the one’?
I know which I’d choose.
If you’re aiming to be the girl that every man wants to date, then don’t delude yourself – you’re shooting for quantity, not quality!
This is NOT the strategy I would advise because you’re going to waste a lot of time talking to and going on dud dates with unsuitable guys.
Focusing on fewer but better quality matches is just way more efficient.
So you may be wondering…
How exactly do you get these quality matches?
Well, that brings me to my next point.
Ok, so that sounds like trite advice but honestly, it’s the one that works.
Think about it.
Serious relationships are based on authenticity and acceptance. Your partner has to love you for you if any kind of true relationship is to form.
It makes sense then to be truthful about who you are and represent yourself as accurately as possible from the very beginning.
Otherwise, it just delays the right guy finding you.
Imagine if your dream guy is swiping through Tinder profiles looking for an intellectual, moderately nerdy, nature-loving girl with great family values (let’s pretend for a minute this describes you perfectly).
He might not consciously have a list like this in his mind but if these are things he values, he’s going to get very excited and stop if he finds a Tinder bio that shouts this at him (even if he can’t explain why).
When he gets to your profile though, all he finds are dozens of generic photos he’s seen on countless other girl’s profiles before you (I’m talking pouty selfie, partying with friends, bikini at the beach, etc) – stuff that men are supposed to want.
He’s physically attracted to you, and you seem fun and popular…but that’s about all the ‘spark’ he gets. He’s looking for something serious and it doesn’t seem like you guys will have that much in common, so he swipes ‘no’.
Annnnd that’s how you lovebirds do NOT meet each other.
It might be a hypothetical case, but be straight with me here, don’t you make judgments like that swiping through Tinder bios too?
Your soul-mate is looking for you, so you need to help him! Stand out, be unique, help your dream guy notice you, and realize you’re his dream girl.
The best way to do this is to be you. Your real self. Not the self you think you need to be for men to like you.
Tinder bio tips for finding a serious relationship
If you want to try this strategy, then in practical terms, this is what I would advise…
Focus on two things:
- creating a profile that captures your unique essence and who you truly are.
- and trying to demonstrate the qualities and values that you would like to attract in your ideal mate. For example, if you want your ideal partner to share your love of nature, show how much you love nature in your bio! Because remember…like attracts like.
Here’s what to do:
- Think about some qualities or values you want in a partner. Chances are these will reflect your own qualities and values. Do you want him to value family? To value adventure and travel? Have a creative side? Be spiritual? What are some of the most important alignments you want to have with your ideal partner? You probably have a long list but select your top 5.
- Then think about photos or ways you can incorporate these facets into your Tinder bio.
If you want someone intellectual, list some of your favorite books or philosophical thoughts or quotes that inspire you.
For someone who values family, show how much you value family too with a photo of you lunching with mum.
For someone creative, maybe it’s you posing next to a painting you created or out at an art exhibit.
You get the point.
They might not be the typical Tinder photos but they show people a bit about what your values and interests are. It will attract the guys who have the same values and interests. They’re going to stop and take notice. What you put out is what you’re going to attract. It’s as easy as that.
- Ok, so I’ve given you permission not to have to become the girl every man wants to date, but that doesn’t mean you get to be lazy.
You still need to present your best self and make an effort to put your best foot forward. No photos of you just being a couch potato because I know you’re more interesting than that.
Remember your Tinder bio is the only information your potential dream guy has to go by, so make sure you give him your best!
- If you aren’t matching with guys you think you would be perfect for, check your personality is coming through too.
For example, I like funny guys and enjoy banter. I was always swiping yes to guys who had funny lines or entertaining profiles but they rarely matched back with me.
I started thinking about why and realized my profile was a bit straight and didn’t communicate any of my personality or playfulness, even though it captured my interests. If it wasn’t on my profile, why should they know that about me? I wasn’t showing that I could match their banter.
So I spent some time updating the one-liners on my profile and seriously, the difference it made was enormous.
Literally, every guy I said swiped yes to after that started matching with me.
This was on Hinge where they give you prompts that you have to add an answer to like ‘In my spare time I like…’ or ‘My favorite place in the world is…’.
On my profile, I initially had something like ‘In my spare time I like…to be out in nature, travel, read and take walks’.
To showcase more of my playfulness, I started adding prompts like ‘I bet you can’t…drink 4L of custard’ (guys loved this one) or ‘Dating me is like…falling into a big fluffy cloud. Just let go.’
Remember…think about the types of things you want in a partner, and make sure you are projecting the same qualities and personality in your Tinder bio too!
My Tinder happy ending
And just to hammer home my point, and that it freaking works in real life…
Do you know what my boyfriend tells me stood out most on my Tinder profile for him? What made him swipe yes?
The below hiking photo I had put up (yes I ended up reclaiming my backpacker girl self).
Oh, the irony of it.
Annnd for those who like to have a few more juicy details on our Tinder love story, here it is:
My boyfriend initially ‘super liked’ me on Tinder which caught my attention.
(For the Tinder newbs, ‘super liking’ someone shows that person you’ve already swiped yes to them, normally they can’t see or won’t know this unless you guys match).
His profile was a bit sparse to be honest, but he had quite a few photos of him in nature and with dogs so I thought well, I’ll give him a shot.
We matched and chatted and it wasn’t fireworks, just normal. I had a friend visiting from overseas at the time and I got busy so stopped going on Tinder. He told me later that at the time he was seeing another girl and also had his phone stolen so couldn’t access Tinder, so our conversation sort of petered off.
When I came back to Tinder I actually unmatched him because, well, our conversation had died. Then because I have a yo-yo relationship with Tinder where I go on for about 1-2 weeks then remember that I hate it, I deleted the app.
6 months later…
I’m bored and decide that maybe I should try out Tinder again (you guys ever do that?).
Then lo and behold, literally the third profile I see is him! And he had super liked me again! Now how often does that happen? I messaged him immediately and was like ‘Do you remember me??’ and he replied ‘Yes!!’ and I just said ‘It’s a sign, we need to meet’.
So that second time we matched, we just skipped all conversation and went straight to a first date.
Our first date was a bike ride around Victoria Park and long story short…
…it was magical.
When I got back home I just sat on my bed absorbing it all in. I messaged my friends and told them (jokingly but not) that I had just gone on a date with ‘the one’.
Since that fateful day I’ve discovered he’s not as perfect as I’d initially thought (are they ever?) and we’ve had many ups and downs but his status as ‘possibly the one’ hasn’t changed :).
How to say you’re looking for a relationship on Tinder
There’s nothing wrong with saying you’re looking for a relationship on Tinder if that’s what you’re after.
Why beat around the bush if you already know what you want?
‘But…’, I hear you asking, ‘won’t that scare men away??’
Yes, it probably will scare SOME men away – the ones who aren’t looking for the same thing.
And that’s a good thing, as far as I’m concerned, because it means you’ll only attract guys who want a serious relationship (or are at least open to one), and you both won’t be wasting each other’s time with mismatched intentions.
Remember, you aren’t playing a quantity game and trying to get every guy on Tinder to match with you. You’re trying to attract a guy who’s on the same page as you and you can have a real connection with.
While it may be romantic to think that you can ‘reform’ someone who’s not yet ready to commit – in real life it rarely works like that.
My boyfriend knew that he wanted a real relationship from the very beginning – that’s why he was attracted to my Tinder profile and why he was looking for things in my bio beyond looks.
Saying that though, if you’re going to state directly that you’re looking for a relationship on your Tinder bio, keep it light and positive.
You don’t want to come across as demanding or batshit crazy.
Here are some playful suggestions, with a mix of direct and more subtle phrasing:
- Open to something more serious (if you make the cut).
- Looking for something more serious, if you are.
- Looking for someone I can really connect with.
- Not after anything casual.
- I’m keen to meet someone who’s open to a relationship (if we even get that far :P).
- Looking for someone who doesn’t dislike relationships.
Is Tinder good for finding long-term relationships?
If you use the right strategy, then in my experience, yes.
I found my boyfriend on Tinder and so did countless other couples I know.
In fact, statistics show that in 2017, the most common way for US couples to meet was online, accounting for 39% of couples. Next up was bars/restaurants at 27%, but this was only because couples would arrange to meet there after first meeting online.
So online dating works for finding a serious relationship!
The downside is that dating apps like Tinder can be depressing if you’re not careful. It’s it’s own ball game.
You have to wade through a lot of horrible dating profiles to get to the few decent ones and that can make you lose hope in humanity.
If Tinder is getting you down, see my tips on how to keep a healthy relationship with dating apps, and protect your mental health.
The bottom line
If you’re setting up your Tinder bio and want to find a serious relationship, don’t buckle under the pressure of conforming to some image of what guys are supposed to like.
That superficial stuff is great if you’re after casual hook-ups, but if you want anything deeper and a relationship built on realness, skip the foolishness.
Don’t be afraid to show the real you and who you truly are.
Remember, quality over quantity – it’s the best strategy to find your best match in the long-run.
This is great, thanks. I have got out of a 11-year-long relationship 8 months ago and have never used a dating app before, so I’ve been a bit anxious about how to approach the whole thing. You have confirmed some of my ideas and I am really grateful for that. Maybe a tip regarding a username if you’re not just after casual hook-ups? I suppose this matters too. I know it might be a weird Q, but I cannot emphasise enough how new and scary online dating is to me 🙂 Thanks!
Hi Polona, I’m glad you found the article useful. Yes I felt the same anxiety coming out of my 7-year relationship and faced with having to date again. Anything new can be scary! I never used a username on Tinder. I believe you can set one so you can share a link for people to access your profile directly. I actually don’t think the username is too important – I would suggest just using your name or one of your social media handles. That way if some secret admirer is trying to find you, they’ll have an easier time at it. Or if you prefer people not to find you directly, then use something else. Don’t stress too much about the username, what’s more important on Tinder is what you write on your profile and your photos as that’s what people look at. Hope that helps 🙂